The Tom Haverford character is someone nearly all young Hoosiers can relate to at some point in their lives.
You want the luxurious life of a big city mogul, but you're not quite sure how to get there. A Tom Haverford bar crawl would have a few guaranteed elements: luxe drinks, suit-appropriate interiors, and the general vibe that bars where ballers and ballerettes go to party all have. Don’t look for an excuse or celebration, just treat yo’ self.
By Sarah Murrell and updated by Maria Bashmakov
Mile Square / 20 N Meridian St
Nicky Blaine’s is basically a humane Haverford trap, with low lights and cigars with cutting and lighting service. They’re famous for their ever-delicious martini menu, and the waiters in vests and ties add an upscale touch. Best of all, there’s lots of intimate seating for cozying up to the girl who keeps your bottle cap.
Fountain Square / 1116 Prospect St
If Tom Haverford would be a regular anywhere, it would be at the epicenter of youth and sexiness. There are two recurring events that happen here: burlesque shows and Real Talk dance nights, and though DJ Bluntz is fictional, DJ Action Jackson is very real and very good. Bring a sexy date and sweat the night away.
Ball & Biscuit Mass Ave / 331 Massachusetts Ave
It’s been a Mass Ave staple of high end drinking for a minute now, and spending a summer night on their deck in your finest white linen and loafers is the way to go. Indoors, the bar has a bit of Edison bulb appeal, making it a great spot to offer a lady a key to your house. Be warned though, if you’re worried your credit card might get declined, they process your bill at the table.
Mile Square / 1 American Square, 36th Floor
He’s the Yoda of networking, so you’d most likely find Mr. Haverford making connections and wise cracks on the 36th floor of the 1 America Tower. They also offer a decent lunch deal, and they frequently host networking events stocked with great food to nosh while you meet. Make sure you plan enough time to take a thousand gorgeous photos of the skyline.
Mile Square / 121 Monument Cir
This is the place where Tom would likely find a new cohort of old rich guys to tell jokes to in the hot tub, then retire to the bar for a drink. Part fitness club, part social club, and part restaurant, it’s more of a place for old school wheeling and dealing without the time expense of golfing. Wear your starchiest collar when you visit.
Wholesale District / 333 Delaware St
On the second floor of the Alexander Hotel, you’ll find a bar that looks more like an extension of the hotel’s art installations than a hotel bar. Here, you get a choice of cocktail, plus a visualization of when the cocktail was created in history. They also serve some snacks, which you can enjoy out on the ultra-modern veranda — Tom Haverford's natural habitat.
Keystone / 3981 E 82nd St
We’d peg Tom Haverford for a downtown man, but when the situation calls for a Northside meeting or meetup, this is where he’d go. Their signature is the Davidoff cigar line, but we think the distinctive feature is this little slice of heavenly aromas tucked into a regular ol’ strip mall. This place plus a visit to Harry & Izzy’s on the Northside is a bachelor party must.
Wholesale District / 127 Illinois St
We don’t have to guess that Tom Haverford would go here, because he went here, in 2013 while filming the “Two Parties” episode of Parks & Rec. It’s legendary for a reason, serving grill-marked steaks with the best service in town. As for Newt Gingrich’s appearance in the episode, it wasn’t planned. Gingrich was just having dinner at the place and accepted the impromptu cameo, and if that doesn’t tell the whole tale of the St. Elmo vibe, we don’t know what does.
Fountain Square / 902 Virginia Ave
Tom Haverford dreams big, and when his vision pays off, it’s amazing. The Inferno Room achieves the same kind of payoff, giving bar patrons a sense of total escape to a tropical island. They’ve got flaming cocktails that look like an erupting volcano, and classics like the Zombie and the Painkiller, with these gorgeous round orange booths to gather all your friends. It is truly a piece of the rainforest (simulated rain thunderstorm included!) stuffed into a brick building.
Mass Ave / 620 N East St
There is one word that perfectly describes the bar at Union 50: impressive. The whole building is the definition of “industrial chic,” with a mix of metal, wood and leather and, of course, Edison bulbs. With a backlit glow emanating from the bar, it’s a great spot to take a date when you want that romcom lighting.
Pickwick Commons / 1464 W 86th St
To quote the man himself, “The name ‘Bistro’ is classy as shit,” so while there are lots of classy-as-shit bistros around the city, this one delivers on both food and cocktails. Aside from running a great restaurant for years, Chef Oakley has beaten Bobby Flay on the so-named Food Network show. Tom Haverford would be as impressed as we were.
